“What is your why?” Will Smith utters this phrase in the Hollywood film entitled “Collateral Beauty.” What is your why is a very interesting thought in and of itself. It causes one to have some introspection. I have another question…how valuable is your time and why do you do the things you do? Do you ever stop to think about that?

In my books and past articles, I talked a lot about the RAS (Reticular Activation System) and how we can apply it to our everyday lives and how RAS is an integral part of determining what is your why.

I am a lover of art. When we think of a masterpiece, we probably think of some great body of work of art that we may have seen. I have had the privilege of visiting some of the finest museums in the world.

Once at the Louvre in Paris, I got to see the Mona Lisa and the Code of Hammurabi and Aphrodite (Venus de Milo) amongst others and at LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art) I saw some beautiful African art that was incredible. On a trip recently to New York City, I was walking with a friend near the site of where the World Trade Center once stood and saw this huge massive strange looking structure called “The Oculus.” These creations are masterpieces, finished by artists of the highest caliber. With that in mind, I want to challenge your thinking a bit here…What if we all are artists and we can piece together the mosaic of our masterpiece that is our lives? As humans, the process we use to learn things are all based on this particular conceptual algorithm of Performance, Feedback, Revision. We perform (performance) a task and then we see how it turns out (feedback), then we revise as needed(revision).

We are all a work in progress and we can get better every day. This process (along with the new knowledge and behavior) can become programmed into our brains and we affect change. Now, we must be careful to process this new information correctly or we can develop bad habits. What do I mean by this? I discovered that the average person has 12 thousand to 60 thousand thoughts running through his mind each day. That is mind boggling and out of that number, 60% to 80% of those thoughts running through our heads are negative thoughts.

Now conversely, 95% of those thoughts in our heads that we have each day are the same thoughts. So essentially our lives are shaped by our thoughts and we become what we think. It’s all routine. We live our lives on auto pilot. Let that sink in. The good news is that we can change for the better. It’s easy, first realize that you and your time are very valuable.

There are two types of people in the world: those who genuinely want to be in your life. How do you know who they are? You both make an effort. It’s that easy.

And then there are those who want to get your attention (attention seekers) to make themselves feel good or to revalidate their self-esteem (therefore satisfying their need from the second level of Maslow’s Triangle) then they vanish and you won’t see them again until they need another fix of your free attention. Don’t chase them…these are sad and broken people (walking wounded), and they need help.

Time is valuable. Don’t be someone’s time victim to their time vampire. Not everyone is worth your time so don’t be a constant people pleaser. It’s important to note that constant people pleasing is a form of brown nosing. No one likes a brownnoser. How do brownnosers get treated? They get treated and talked to in a sometimes-demeaning fashion by others, don’t they? Remember, in court, how the judge loves to hand down sentences of community service or prison terms… you want to know why? Not just because of punishment, it’s also because psychologically…time is valuable, and it makes you think.

Paying a fine is the easy way out but spending your time leaves a mark and makes you remember what you did (Revision). Keep in mind that we all are unique, and it doesn’t matter what kind of circumstances you have in your life …whether fortunate or unfortunate. We can turn those negative thoughts into positive thoughts and create new positive behaviors. First change your thinking. Practice these rituals. Here’s how.

1. Get out of your comfort zone and change your scarcity mindset into an abundance mindset. Break yourself of fear. Learn to do new things. (I started taking Krav Maga classes and let me tell you it got me out of my comfort zone.) Be yourself and get rid of all negative thoughts. Find a quiet area in your home and close your eyes, breathe in deeply and slowly push negative thoughts aside.

In addition to this breathing exercise, I want you to go a whole week without saying anything negative about another person. (It’s difficult I know). Retrain your brain for positivity.

2. Find and spend time with positive people. Be in the moment when with others. Actually talk to people and don’t be distracted by your cell phone. Work towards your goals or purpose every day.

3. Know your value and set boundaries. Having the wrong people in your life will drag you down. Just look at them and ask yourself, “what purpose is this person serving in my life?” Don’t be afraid to let negative people go. Stay focused on your purpose and agenda and keep it moving. In short, the good people who are meant to be in your life will catch up with you and stay there.

4. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and set boundaries. Remember you don’t get out of life what you deserve… You get what you negotiate, so get in the flow and create your Masterpiece!

I leave you with the wise words of Lucius Annaeus Seneca:

“We should every night call ourselves to an account;
What infirmity have I mastered today?
What passions opposed?
What temptation resisted?
What virtue acquired?
Our vices will abort of themselves if they be brought every day to the shrift.”

This article originally appeared in the Summer 2019 issue of CHOICES Magazine