Growing up, “emotional resilience” was unfamiliar, a concept not touched upon in my home or school life. This lack of understanding became apparent in how I acted out in school, reflecting the unrest I experienced at home. The prevalent mood of anger and tension within my family not only created a stressful home environment but also influenced my behavior in the classroom. This often resulted in me being removed from class, intensifying my sense of isolation and contributing to my inability to manage my emotions effectively.

As a child immersed in this constant tension and confusion atmosphere, I frequently felt overwhelmed and fearful. This state of heightened alertness and anxiety stayed with me as I matured, embedding a feeling of being an outsider, constantly struggling to find where I fit in. It wasn’t until later in life that I understood and appreciated the importance of emotional resilience.

To cope, I learned to conceal my emotions, growing distrustful and challenging, which starkly contrasted with the person I am today — known for my positive outlook and approachability. My 28-year career in the police force constantly confronted me with the consequences of unprocessed emotions. Anger, in particular, was an emotion I frequently encountered. These experiences brought me to a crucial realization: emotions like anger, fear, and frustration aren’t inherently negative; the real issue is our inability to express and process them effectively.

This need for emotional processing became highly apparent with the devastating loss of my 4-year-old son, Cameron, to cancer. The intense anger and grief I felt were overwhelming, leading me down a path of self-destruction. It wasn’t until I tried to end my own life that I began the journey of confronting and processing my emotions. This journey, though extremely painful, was also liberating. It taught me the value of understanding and managing my emotional world.

I want to invite you to start a similar journey towards emotional awareness. Begin by paying closer attention to your emotions. Make it a routine to check in with yourself three times daily: in the morning, midday, and evening. Ask yourself, “How am I feeling right now? What’s happening in my body? What thoughts are connected to these physical sensations?” You might be surprised to realize how unaware you are of your emotions and their impact.

This awareness is the first step toward gaining control over your emotional life. With awareness comes choice. Once you recognize how you’re feeling, you can begin to understand why. Are your environment, interactions with others, or internal thoughts influencing your emotional state?

Identifying the source of your emotions offers you more options. You gain the power to choose your responses rather than reacting impulsively. This might mean changing your environment, resolving misunderstandings, or shifting your thought patterns.

We must understand that suppressed emotions stay in our bodies until we confront them. As an emotional resilience coach, trauma practitioner, and facilitator of 9D Breathwork, I work with women who have endured trauma or significant life challenges, helping them rebuild their emotional strength. My approach is a blend of coaching and various healing practices designed to confront and release suppressed emotions and equip my clients with the tools they need for long-term emotional resilience and well-being.

This article originally appeared in the Spring 2024 issue of CHOICES Magazine