Do you find yourself frequently overwhelmed by emotions (and aren’t even sure if those feelings are yours)?

Are you often anxious, sometimes so much so that you avoid social events or activities that would help you grow in your career?

Have you struggled to maintain financial stability as an adult?

Do people feel comfortable with you right away, sometimes sharing stories with you that they don’t usually reveal to others?

Do friends remark on how “healing” your energy is to be around (even though sometimes, you feel worse after being with them)?

If—as you read through the questions above— you found yourself saying “yes” to more than a few of them, you just might be an “empath” – someone who takes the concept of “empathy” to a whole new level.

As an Empath, you don’t just hold compassion for other people, you actually FEEL what other people are experiencing emotionally, physically, mentally, or even energetically. This creates an incredible opportunity and a natural ability to connect with others, but often detracts from being able to connect with yourself.

If you’ve been feeling lonely (and perhaps even more so when you’re with other people), it’s also a strong indication that, like me, you’re an empath…

It’s hard on us to spend our lives more connected to others than to ourselves. It might seem like it’s a more generous way of being, and it certainly can be. But when taken to extremes, it leads to feelings of resentment, isolation, anxiety, and even downright depression.

A lifetime of this—often unasked for, and sometimes even unconscious—sensory onslaught, can also lead to patterns of numbing out. I believe this is one reason so many of the Empaths I see in my private practice and inside my courses are struggling with patterns of addiction.

For many of them – perfectionism, workaholism, shopping addictions, disordered eating, screen time, and other addictions are all ways for them to control (or reduce) the amount that they feel.

And yet, we empaths have some of the biggest hearts on the planet. So, wouldn’t it be amazing if we could learn to harness our sensitivities to do better in the world, instead of getting overrun and derailed by them?

Well, the good news is that we can learn to do EXACTLY that.

We can learn to make emotions part of our masterpiece: Instead of overpowering us, they can add color, texture, richness, and sensuality to our lives.

But, how?

It’s powerful to remember that we can’t heal what isn’t ours.

You can’t heal what isn’t yours.

This means, that unless the emotions, sensations, energy, or thoughts you’re having are your own, you can’t do anything with them except let them go. Learning to separate your own feelings from other peoples’ helps alleviate overwhelm, and puts you back into right relationship with your senses…

Suddenly, things like pleasure and presence are available to you.

Now, how do you KNOW whether what you’re feeling is yours in the first place?

You can begin to sift through the confusing information inside you by asking yourself this key question:

“What do I need right now?”

As a giving, heart-centered human, you likely don’t ask yourself this question very often. In fact, it may give you quite a shock or make you feel very uncomfortable when you ask yourself this!

But, asking yourself this question brings you to your own experience in the present moment. It’s a powerful way to pull yourself out of other people’s needs/stories/beliefs/feelings/etc. and back into your own mind and body.

Take stock of whatever arises in response to this question.

“Do I need water? Rest? To cry? To shake out extra energy? To go for a walk? A raise?”

Secondly, listen to those intuitive hits and take action on them.

In so doing, you’ll begin building a relationship with your own intuition, your own emotions, your own self… This is sacred, deep, personal work… All starting with a simple, somewhat daringly “selfish” question.

As you practice this over time, you may find yourself suddenly feeling calm, when moments before you were overwhelmed. If so, it’s a good chance that whatever overwhelm you were feeling wasn’t even yours.

Next time you feel “off”, or are tempted to numb out, try asking yourself, “What do I need right now?” and see what happens! You just might find that the world looks a lot brighter and YOU feel more alive than ever before.

THAT’S living as an emotional masterpiece.

This article originally appeared in the Summer 2019 issue of CHOICES Magazine