“The human capacity for burden is like bamboo- far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.”

“Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship”- Denzel Washington

I think of these words of resiliency from Mr. Washington all the time. They have even more special meaning for me, because I was standing only a few feet away from him next to the stage while he said it at the NAACP Image Awards in 2017 in Pasadena, California. It was a Who’s Who for attendees at that show. Mr. Washington had just presented an NAACP Image award to Taraji P Henson and Janelle Monae for the motion picture film Hidden Figures. The words he uttered prior to making that quote are also worth listening to. He said, “Fall 7 times. Get up 8.” That statement reeks of resiliency.

I hate to give up. I mean I really do. No matter how daunting the situation becomes (and I have had some intense situations) I never let the situation win. Now, I don’t possess great secrets from some Yogi in the far east. I simply choose to not engage in the practice of giving up. Our minds are our own limitation. We all experience the trials and tribulations of life, both good and bad. Just like we tacitly and psychologically train other people how to treat us in everyday life, the same holds true for the brain. If you think that you can’t accomplish a task, then you have already defeated yourself in your mind and that carries out into the physical world.

Even though we may have trained ourselves to entertain negative thoughts, we can retrain ourselves to do the opposite (it can take a while.) When you train as a Navy Seal in BUD’s (Basic Underwater Demolition Seal) you learn that the human body can go beyond its limits by a factor of ten. That’s incredible. Imagine the power that knowing can unleash?

This brings me back to resilience. This starts deep within, nurturing your inner strength and power, believing in yourself, knowing that you can handle anything life throws at you. This allows you to put things in proper perspective. You will never be on good terms with everyone and not everyone will like you. You can’t control what others think and say about you, so never worry about that. You will be a villain to some people and a hero to others. There will always be problems and challenges in life. Know all of this and be ok with it.

Keep in mind that it’s also about “reaction vs response.”

“Reaction is a shot from the hip sometimes without forethought. Response is a carefully crafted recourse of action. Response is always better. Keep in mind it’s never easy, because it is in our nature to resist change and challenges. Let’s define Resilience. Resilience is the ability to deal with stress and adversity. It stems from believing in yourself and, at the same time, in something bigger than yourself. Train your brain and inner power for bounce back. Resilience is not a trait that is innate in us. We have to development it.

We often react to things immediately as opposed to crafting a response. When you are faced with adversity or a difficult situation, take the time to let it register and decide how you feel about it. It’s okay to feel bad about it for a while. But, then craft a response to the situation and don’t let the situation win.
Here are a few steps for all of us to follow while we walk the path of resistance.

1. Don’t try to solve problems with the same thinking that created them.

Retrain your brain. Resilient people don’t make the same mistake again and again. They’re willing to be honest about why they failed and take the time to think about what didn’t work.

2. Master your emotions before they manage you.

Resilient people have a positive outlook. They remind themselves that much of what they’re facing is temporary, and that they’ve overcome setbacks before and can do it again. Resilient people focus on what they can learn from the experience.

3. Stay tough.

Resilient people face their fears and have an adaptive attitude that lets them focus on possibilities even in the worst of times. The tougher the situation, the tougher they become.

4. Keep growing.

Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving; we get stronger and more resilient. Resilient people are constantly becoming braver and more courageous. They know that life is not what happens to us but what happens within us.

5. Stay prepared.

Resilient people work on solving problems rather than letting themselves become paralyzed by negativity. They keep planning for the future even when things aren’t working out.

6. Pick yourself up, as many times as it takes.

Resilient people understand that failure is falling down and refusing to get up. They have the capacity to adapt successfully and the tenacity to never, ever quit. That part is important. Never ever, ever quit? Like Denzel Washington says,” Fall down 7 times. Get up 8.”

This article originally appeared in the Autumn 2018 issue of CHOICES Magazine