The “Dandelion Child”
Resilience Can Be Learned

In my sixth decade of celebrating life, I still find simple pleasure in blowing dandelion puff-balls. Many hopes, wishes, and desires have been airborne by pursed lips blasting white fuzz and seeds to destinations and adventures unknown. I was a dreamer as a child. Time hasn’t changed that, I’m still a dreamer. Dreams saved me; dreams made me resilient.

Gardeners with well-maintained flawless lawns hate dandelions—they’re considered a weed, a nuisance; difficult to kill without removing the whole plant. Dandelions are resilient; the tap root runs deep.

Herbalists with a love for natural organic gardens revere dandelions—they’re considered a versatile healing plant that can cleanse the liver, fight cancer, and provide a powerhouse of nutrients.

Two children from the same family can endure the same dysfunctions and emerge either unscathed or broken for life. The human genome has revealed surprising traits that lend credence to nature versus nurture. In all of our DNA glory, a gene variant for predictability of resiliency actually exists. Research scientists, Dr. Thomas Boyce from the University of Arizona and Dr. Bruce Ellis from the University of British Columbia, have concluded that we are genetically predisposed to our ability to handle stress and stimuli as children.

Boyce and Ellis coined the terms “orchid child” and “dandelion child.” The “dandelion child” may appear to be average at first glance, but underneath an inner strength allows that child to flourish in hostile environments. Just like most weeds, the tap root runs deep—they’re resilient.

I’m a “dandelion child” and that explains why orchids have always seemed too fragile for my taste. Beautiful, yes, but orchids need too much care and nurturing and I don’t have the patience. Surroundings that would kill an orchid, won’t phase a dandelion. It’s interesting to note that analogies used in the scientific study of plants often hold true in the scientific study of human development.

Is there hope for the “orchid child”? This is where nature versus nurture plays a pivotal role. According to Dustin Albert, a research scientist from the Duke Center for Child and Family Policy, if left untreated, the majority of children with the NR3C1 gene variant (or high-risk “orchid children”) are more likely to develop psychological problems by age 25 to include aggression, antisocial personality disorder, and substance abuse.

This sounds all doom and gloom and a far cry from the positive, uplifting tale of the dandelion as beloved by herbalists and health coaches like me. So, let this “dandelion child” put a brighter spin on this story. Yes, resiliency can be learned even as an adult.

I had the good fortune to discover the work of Courtney Ackerman, M.A., who is a graduate of the Positive Organizational Psychology and Evaluation Program at Claremont Graduate University and a current researcher for the State of California. Ackerman compiled information on resiliency programs that could benefit both children and adults. The online compendium is entitled “27 Resilience Activities and Worksheets for Students and Adults.” I found the information and activities to be enlightening and useful.

Ackerman states, “Resilience is not the absence of distress or difficulty. Resilience is the ability to adapt and grow following adversity.”

Here are few resilience training tips provided by Ackerman from the Positive Psychology Program and actions I have taken in recent years:

1. Make connections and build your social support network. (For me, that has meant stepping into my comfort zone and connecting with people with similar interests. Far too long, I tried to “fit in,” denying MY interests and trying to please others.)
2. Avoid the tendency to view crisis as an insurmountable challenge. (Faith in my higher power is my anchor. I added God to my cell phone contact list and frequently text just to say “thank you, God” and to ask Him to guide me and release my worry.)

3. Accept that change is a natural and unavoidable part of life. (There’s no sugar-coating this one. Life IS about change and cycles. But, with each change, I look for the positive aspect. My teaching position was unexpectedly down-sized to part-time last year. This change has provided extra time to rekindle my artistic talents that I had long neglected.)

4. Look for opportunities that promote self-discovery. (This tip relates to “make connections.” I have joined several groups online and in my community of like-minded people. In doing so, I have rediscovered some of my strengths and interests.)

5. Nurture a positive view of yourself and your abilities. (I am the queen of self-deprecating jokes NO longer! Instead, I manifest positive outcomes and repeat affirmations.)

6. Maintain a hopeful outlook on life. (This sounds like trying to become a Pollyanna, but for me, it has meant changing my thought pattern—literally re-wiring my brain. It’s called neuroplasticity.)

7. Take care of yourself. (I’m working on this tip; it’s hard. I’m a nurturer by nature and have no problem taking care of everyone else. With the help of an amazing therapist, I learned to give myself permission to take care of ME! I discovered a free and supportive online way-of-eating or WOE called Whole30. Diets don’t work, just change your WOE.)

How do I know I am a “dandelion child”? My father died when I was five. I left home at 18 with only fifty dollars. I survived a debilitating car accident the same year I was crowned Miss Columbus. I earned a master’s degree at age forty-two with the support of my family while working two part-time jobs. I AM a dandelion—strong enough to break through a crack in concrete and thrive. Dandelions are resilient, my tap root runs deep.

This article originally appeared in the Autumn 2018 issue of CHOICES Magazine