Have you heard the quote, “Don’t cross an ocean for someone who won’t jump a puddle for you,” (author unknown)? Lately, that has become my mantra and something I’m really looking at addressing. Am I crossing too many seas and not getting the same consideration in return?

The quote is a good metaphor about finding balance. For example, at work I might be expected to cross oceans at times to meet deadlines or accomplish goals but if I’m not paid for that effort in the long run, it is time to start putting out resumes. In relationships, my partner might have an illness or issue that requires me to exert greater effort in support that won’t be reciprocated in the moment or timeframe. However, after recovery, if he is still draining me it might be a conversation I need to have to get things back on track. If I don’t then I become out of balance in my life.

Empowering and defining boundaries is a natural state of affairs. What isn’t is capitulating your needs and desires to the determent of your own wellbeing. There are times as a parent, partner, or employee that we will need to go that extra mile and pick up the slack and that’s called maturity, none of us can be ‘on’ all the time, we all need, give, or receive help sometimes. But if you find you are always leading the charge, fighting the ‘good’ fight, and picking up the pieces, it might be time to take stock and see if you are doing all the swimming.

Taking care of ourselves is what we are naturally supposed to do. There was a saying in the fire department about safety, “A dead rescuer can’t help anyone,” so if we don’t take care of ourselves we can’t be there for others. Empowering yourself is taking care of yourself; you need to make yourself a priority and it is okay to let go of those in your life that drain your time and energy. In fact, it is essential to keep yourself safe and sane.

Empowerment is taking back your power. Don’t let others needs and wants exceed your own in value and priority. Finding balance is important to self-preservation and setting limits on what you will tolerate is an important step in achieving that goal. Take a good long look at what is working in your life and be willing to let go of those things that don’t have a return on investment for your efforts and labor. When you do, life will improve. It was hard for me to let people go but as I did it was like lifting an anchor setting me free to find others with the same values and principles. When I did I found more time, which opened up new opportunities and people into my life. Sacrificing yourself never helped anyone and just makes everyone crazy. It’s better to swim with the dolphins then play in the mud puddles because when the sun comes out those mud puddles dry up. Make sure your shinning bright enough so those puddles don’t last too long.

This article originally appeared in the Summer 2018 issue of CHOICES Magazine