I was sitting and relaxing as I thought about thankfulness as the topic of this edition of Choices magazine when two things became clear to me. First, I was well aware that I was fortunate to say without hesitation that I’m very grateful for where I am in life today. Yet, on the other hand, how well do I express appreciation to all those I’m thankful to have in my life and to the Universe for their part in it?

To be honest, I’d have to say I could do so much better.

Like many, as a child, I was taught to say please and thank you. Wise parents know that feeling gratitude helps us feel happier and get the most out of life. Yet today, I find myself saying both please and thank you with a certain amount of rote—not exactly being in the moment—and sometimes with less honesty. And that worries me.

I thought of the expression many of my friends use—“Love you, mean it!” If they now use those words to ensure the other person knows they are sincere, then maybe they, too, had realized we often say things without thinking about what we’ve said.

What is the point of saying something because it’s expected without it meaning something to the other person or me?

So, I became more aware of how I interacted with others, expressing my appreciation for what had been either said or done. I thanked those who opened the door for me or allowed me to proceed in the check-out line. I smiled and nodded to people as I walked along, and half of them returned my smile. After my acknowledging something done, most smiled, and others said, “You’re welcome.” Yet, a number of them looked oddly at me as if to say, “No biggie.” I even had one person ask, “Why are you thanking me; I haven’t done anything.” So …

Although I was more expressive with thanking those who had done something nice for me, I realized I needed not to get caught up in expecting any response from those for whom I’d done something nice. That was a downward slide into my thinking that I deserved their gratitude or what was worthy of it, and that was a game I was unwilling to play.

I came across what The Tapping Solution says about gratitude, and I thought it was noteworthy—something to share with you. “Simply put, gratitude is a habit. It’s a way of looking at the world and all the good things in it with a feeling of appreciation, regardless of whether or not your current situation is to your liking…”

For me, if I’m to be thankful with greater grace, I simply must stay in that sense of gratitude for more than its moment and drink in the reality of how blessed I am. And so I make my way…

This article originally appeared in the Autumn 2021 issue of CHOICES Magazine